December

It only mid February, right? I mean I'm only two and half months behind on blogging...not a big deal...

A our ward party Santa came and told stories to the kids and Tony caught this little gem. 

My kid has the best fashion sense.

So these ones are mostly from January, but I wasn't sure where else to put them and didn't want to make their own post...so here you go :)

Tony and Emma's creation out of playdoh. 

Fox the superhero! (Grandma and Grandpa Clark gave him a batman cape for Christmas...he pretty much lives in that thing.)

We had freezing rain a few weeks ago, so the kids (mostly Tony first, and then the kids joined in) turned the deck into a skating rink. 

green crayon

I have more post with pictures coming, I swear....

I washed and dried a green crayon in with all of our pants. It looks like someone took a paintbrush and splattered green oily paint splotches all over the pants. It makes me sick. They are sitting right by me, in a laundry basket, waiting to be "taken care of." Seriously, sick. Hence the blogging, instead of taking care of them. I cried this morning when I found them.

It's going to be a great day.

Gingerbread houses

(so I finally got the pictures off of Tony's phone!! So expect a plethora of post over the next couple of days. Mostly from December and January :))

Notable decorations:

Liam had a pumpkin patch, a dog, and a snowman 

Emma made a "happy house" (her words) with a dragon 

Fox had a graveyard complete with skeleton in a candybar coffin

Sisyphus

Ever had one of those day where no matter what you do or how hard you try, you still feel like a failure?

That's been my last week.

I'll admit, sometimes I feel like the coolest mom in the world, the most kind, loving, and attractive wife this side of the Mississippi, and pretty much the most fantastic person that you will ever meet. And those days are great! But this week has not had even one of those days.

This week I felt like Sisyphus (the guy in Greek mythology condemned to push a huge boulder up a hill, and when he reached the top it would fall back down), constantly going with nothing to show for it. Especially yesterday.

Yesterday was a snow day. Amesinites must be wusses because there was a little bit of snow and wind and they canceled school. (Actually, I'm pretty sure its because Ames is a smaller town, so a lot of teachers come from other even smaller towns, in the boondocks, and their drive, with snow and wind, is not safe) Not that I'm complaining, I love that I didn't have to go out in it. So my kids were home and I feel like I worked like crazy cleaning all day. I hardly sat down. But when Tony came home the house was a disaster. How did that happen?

Today wasn't any better. Nothing got done. I did manage to get my visiting teaching done...on the last day of the month...and by just taking treats to those I visit. But now, as I look around my house, the kitchen has a sack of flour on the floor, with dishes piled in the sink, the dining room has cereal boxes, honey, and drinks on the kitchen table with dried bits playdoh, toys, and crumbs scattered on the floor, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the computer room has coats, shoes, and books littering the floor, the bathroom...don't even get me started (although I did do all of the laundry yesterday and so for .3 seconds all of the laundry was clean. Wahoo?).

That's my life right now. Pushing against something that will never budge.

It'll get better, right?

My kids. I'd like to think my kids are happy. In fact, as I write this, Emma is in her room singing herself to sleep. That's happy, right? As I drove my kids around with me tonight delivering visiting teaching goods, Liam and Emma joked with each other, giggled, and where goofy. I should have enjoyed that. But to be honest, I was annoyed. Why were they being so noisy?

I should have enjoyed it.

I'd like to think that every mom goes through phases like this.

 I hope they do.

 I think they do.

 Because it seems every so often something just gets thrown out of whack, and it takes me a while to get back to feeling like the most awesome person in the world again. Hopefully it happens soon, because I'm sick of not being happy at the silly little things my kids do. I'm sick of not having a clean house. I'm sick of not being me.

So I'm just going to sit here and listen to my little girls sweet singing voice, leave the mess where its at, and start better tomorrow.

A trade off

So I've made this argument to Tony several times. As of yet, it has not taken, but I'm still trying.

 I will cook, clean, do dishes, vacuum, dust, take care of kids, do the bills, straighten rooms, sweep, mop, clean out the fridge and cupboards, shovel the driveway, clean the car, and anything else I can think of, if he will just do the laundry and clean the bathroom. That's it!

 I despise those two chores more than any other chore I can think of. I hate, hate, HATE laundry especially. I keep trying to talk myself into the fact that laundry will be fun! I can just sit there and watch tv while folding endless amounts of clothes--but it never works out that way. So, usually, at least two loads of clean laundry sits in a basket, or the dryer, downstairs and I say things like, "I think you have clean underwear down in the dryer..." Really, it's not working.

And having two boys under the age of eight makes for a nasty clean up when it comes to the toilet. Put on top of that the fact that my kids can't seem to manage to spit their toothpaste spittle into the sink, but instead it ends up on the counter, floor, or occasionally bathtub (what the?!), it makes for one, unhappy, bathroom-cleaning mama.

But I think that my trade off with Tony is completely fair. Now if I could just make him believe that.

As I'm writing this, my house looks as if there have been several large explosions of clothes toys and books...so perhaps I should start doing the cooking, cleaning, ect. and then maybe he'll believe me ;)

Goals

So lets talk about my granola lady post. I had 3 new things that I was trying out.

1st the laundry detergent- I still love it. Still use it.

2nd the no shampoo thing- I had a goal to try it for at least 3 weeks. About a week into it my hair (especially my highlights and parts that had been colored) began to be extremely dry and brittle, and snarled like nothing else. I never had the grease phase. I only had damaged hair. So after a week I stopped. I didn't want it to get more damaged (I'm still trying to get it to recover). I know they say to adjust the amount of baking soda your using, but I couldn't let my hair get any worse. Maybe I'll try again another time.
But being married to a man who's going through all of his chemistry classes right now has some perks. When he found out what I was trying to do he got interested and started to do some fancy-dancy formulas on why baking soda and water would or would not work to wash your hair.

(This next part is brought to you by Tony. Still written by Kira, but he's the one who taught me all of it. So if it's wrong blame it on him :) )

First off NaHCO3 or sodium bicarbonate is the chemical name for baking soda. Add some water/H2O and you get the chemical equation of

NaHCO3 + H2O-->CO2+NaOH+H20

Pretty fancy hu? Yeah, at least all this money we are forking out for school is counting for something. :) Okay, so breaking down that last part of the equation CO2=carbon dioxide (you know, that stuff you breath out), H2O=water, and do you want to guess what NaOH is? Sodium hydroxide or better known as lye. That stuff you use in soap. That's toxic. Of course its not nearly as toxic with the extra H2O. But still, all I can think is, there has got to be a better way of naturally cleaning your hair than rubbing only water and  lye all over your head, but technically it does clean your hair.

3rd no sugar thing- basically went out with Christmas...but luckily I got probiotics that seem to be helping Fox. :)

So after all of these failed goals I started to get down on myself and thought, 'I probably shouldn't make any goals for the new year, because I'll just fail them.'

 But really I'm not that dramatic, or pessimistic.

So I started to look at all of the goals that I have accomplished.  Do you know that I wrote a story and sent it into a magazine to be published? I don't know if it will be, but that was a huge step for me! This year I have made my own all natural, multi-purpose, cleaning solution and laundry detergent. I exercised.  Not every day, heck, some times not even every week, but I made the goal to exercise when I could, and not beat myself up about when I couldn't. So I did. In August I made the goal to read scriptures every day. Did I do it every day? No. But with making that extra effort I finished the Book of Mormon on December 30th.

I'm pretty much awesome at making and keeping goals, if I do say so myself. And I do. And so for my new goals-

I have a friend who sums up her goals for the new year in one word. I think I'm going to follow suit. My word-

Begin.

My number one goal this year is to begin each day a little earlier and with hope. And I'm hoping that little change will be my keystone habit (Never heard of keystone habit? Read The Power of Habit. It's awesome!) and all my other goals will fall in place.
For example:
I'd like to begin to sell things online
I'd like to begin making my own soap (hence where Tony and I learned about the chemical equation for lye)
Begin to write in a scripture journal when I read
Begin to have more educational activities for my kids to do

And many more. But really it all starts with the beginning of my day. So that's why my goal for 2013 is to Begin.

Hope and Prayer

I just dropped my kids off at school. I hugged and kissed them and I was okay. Until I started to drive away. I cried.

After reading about the shootings that happened in the elementary school in Connecticut on Friday I cried. I think that any parent who read about that incident cried and were horrified and sickened at the horrendous acts that occurred.

But I thought I was going to be okay today. In fact, I didn't even think about it until my children left my sight and I was no longer in control. And thats when I cried.

I hope that I have taught them well enough. I hope I have portrayed and instilled in them a faith in Jesus Christ. I hope that it has been driven home that should they ever be afraid or sad, they can pray and receive comfort. I hope I have raised them so that should a tragedy or disaster occur, they will be able, through Christ, to be a beacon of light, a proclaimer of hope, and a giver of peace to others around them.

I have an opinion on gun control. But this tragedy did not make me turn to that, or want to push an agenda. It showed me just how important teaching my children true principals are. It made me see how urgently I should help them to learn all they can of Christ and his gospel. Because when it comes right down to it, guns or no guns, things are going to happen. People are going to get hurt or die through natural disasters, human error, and human stupidity or wickedness.

How important is it to teach my kids to be more. To be above that. To know there is a God, and through his son all man kind can be saved. That they can know how to receive comfort when comfort is required, and that they can walk uprightly before him. That is my hope and prayer. That I have and can continue to teach them of Christ.

So will I pull my kids from school and homeschool? No. I have thought of homeschooling before and may consider it in the future. But if I homeschool it will not be out of fear. Fear has no grounds when faced with the light of Christ.