Ever had one of those day where no matter what you do or how hard you try, you still feel like a failure?
That's been my last week.
I'll admit, sometimes I feel like the coolest mom in the world, the most kind, loving, and attractive wife this side of the Mississippi, and pretty much the most fantastic person that you will ever meet. And those days are great! But this week has not had even one of those days.
This week I felt like Sisyphus (the guy in Greek mythology condemned to push a huge boulder up a hill, and when he reached the top it would fall back down), constantly going with nothing to show for it. Especially yesterday.
Yesterday was a snow day. Amesinites must be wusses because there was a little bit of snow and wind and they canceled school. (Actually, I'm pretty sure its because Ames is a smaller town, so a lot of teachers come from other even smaller towns, in the boondocks, and their drive, with snow and wind, is not safe) Not that I'm complaining, I love that I didn't have to go out in it. So my kids were home and I feel like I worked like crazy cleaning all day. I hardly sat down. But when Tony came home the house was a disaster. How did that happen?
Today wasn't any better. Nothing got done. I did manage to get my visiting teaching done...on the last day of the month...and by just taking treats to those I visit. But now, as I look around my house, the kitchen has a sack of flour on the floor, with dishes piled in the sink, the dining room has cereal boxes, honey, and drinks on the kitchen table with dried bits playdoh, toys, and crumbs scattered on the floor, the living room needs to be vacuumed, the computer room has coats, shoes, and books littering the floor, the bathroom...don't even get me started (although I did do all of the laundry yesterday and so for .3 seconds all of the laundry was clean. Wahoo?).
That's my life right now. Pushing against something that will never budge.
It'll get better, right?
My kids. I'd like to think my kids are happy. In fact, as I write this, Emma is in her room singing herself to sleep. That's happy, right? As I drove my kids around with me tonight delivering visiting teaching goods, Liam and Emma joked with each other, giggled, and where goofy. I should have enjoyed that. But to be honest, I was annoyed. Why were they being so noisy?
I should have enjoyed it.
I'd like to think that every mom goes through phases like this.
I hope they do.
I think they do.
Because it seems every so often something just gets thrown out of whack, and it takes me a while to get back to feeling like the most awesome person in the world again. Hopefully it happens soon, because I'm sick of not being happy at the silly little things my kids do. I'm sick of not having a clean house. I'm sick of not being me.
So I'm just going to sit here and listen to my little girls sweet singing voice, leave the mess where its at, and start better tomorrow.
5 comments:
I have to tell you I read the name of this post as Syphilis. ??? I wondered what the heck it would be about :)If your kids are dressed and happy and healthy and well mannered ;) you are a success in the mothering world. Your dad used to get frustrated that the house wasn't spotless when he came home or that dinner wasn't ready, but the first time he was left alone with all you kids (my first trip to Vegas) he learned quickly that he couldn't keep up with everything either. (he tried to make it look like he had things under control and surfaced cleaned everything before I got home. Then for some reason I had to look in the couch cushions for something, THEN I found the truth~ under those cushions were tons of toys, at least a whole box of lose cheerios, and assorted socks and such. I felt SO much better!! ) Every mom feels this way and wonders how every body else does it= perfect kids, clean houses, nutritious meals (I'm picturing Sabrina, my anti-me :) she's perfect. But then I find out she has her stuff that she's not happy with and I feel pretty good at that stuff with myself. So it evens out. I think your Mary Poppins myself (practically perfect in every way) so go easy on yourself. You are doing great in my eyes and I'm so proud of you. xoxoxox I wouldn't have anybody else be your kids mom.
Oh my... I have been feeling this for about a month straight. The stinking cold weather that we can't go out in does not help either. Add all of this to my pregnant self and I am not a nice person. I hate that I can logic through all of it and know that I should have a better attitude and yet I can't quite pull myself out of it. I'm praying that I can at least manage to keep my kids slightly happy until this baby gets here and the weather gets better. I feel your pain. So sorry!
i am sure glad other mom's have bad days too. i haven't been a mom for very long, but i have those days/weeks too, especially since i work quite a bit. but at the end of the day no matter how many dishes are in the sink or how many loads of laundry did not get done, i have to remember that all i can do is my best and my family is so blessed, healthy, and most importantly happy. remembering that is sometimes so much easier said than done. you are a total super mom to me!! i look at moms like you and want to be a better person, just because you are so awesome!
I think it's been one of those weeks for me too. But thanks for doing your visiting teaching with a treat on the last day too....... you made me feel better since I did the same thing. :) Sometimes too many big things pile up so we can't enjoy the small ones. I just tell myself to slow down and things get better.
Kira, I spent most of my kids preschool years feeling just like this. But I had an epiphany given to me this week by Dear Daughter Jill (now 17+ and on her way off to college this fall). She made the comment about how great she and her brother turned out. She wasn't being conceited, she was serious...and meant that they were good people, and happy people and kind people and they loved each other and loved the Lord and loved their family and friends and learning. All that was really her way of saying that she thought I did a good job as their mom. Now, it isn't my idea to make you wait until Liam is 18 and headed off to serve a mission before you hear that. But the proof is really in the pudding on this. Siblings who giggle together in the backseat instead of (always) fighting, sweet singing voices as they play in the family room, little voices who say tender things in their prayers because they KNOW Heavenly Father will hear and answer them...those are the makings of good people, who come from great parents and diligent, down-in-trenches-moms, who don't have magazine-clean houses, or model-beautiful bodies. Happy kids come from happy families. And really, Kira, you are one of the best I have ever seen. So keep on keeping on. Even if you have to do it with your teeth gritted some days. ♥♥♥
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