Kids Update

I thought I should go through and give a couple of kid updates, along with a few funny things they have done the last little bit. Lets start with Ander

Ander:

Ander is an adorable little ball of I-dont-know-what-I-wantness-so-I'll-just-cry-until-you-figure-out-something-that-pleases-me. He cries a lot. And has since birth. In fact, I think I scared Sierra off from ever having kids because she came and visited the month after he was born and he cried the. entire. time. Not much has changed. No, I jest (sort of). Giving him the benefit of the doubt he has been sick the last 12 years, or since about the middle of winter, and it still isn't gone. No, but really, once he's feeling okay, fed, changed, and full rested he's quite a happy little kid. And then he's the cutest little kid, with the best personality. I catch glimpses of it every day, and greatly anticipate the day when he's older and that becomes more dominant.  

He cut his first tooth in October (Oct 13) and eats stuff now. I was going to say he loves to eat, but that would be a lie. What he likes to/will eat changes almost daily. 

He learned to walk about 4 weeks ago and LOVES to walk and get into everything! He's favorite place is the kitchen. The other day I walked into the kitchen to help Tony with breakfast to find Ander with about 6 piece of bread in a giant bowl. He would carry it around stopping every once in awhile to take a bite out of one of the pieces, then put it back in and go about his way. Tony just looked at me and said, "Ander decided to make his own breakfast." I love to watch him waddle from place to place. 

Ander now says uh-oh, all done (mostly in sign language), ew!, go, dada (still working on mama), and does the right tones for thank you but says something more like ta-ta. 

He really is adorable, and so fun. I think he may just be bored. He Loves to ride in the car. He's still in a rear facing carseat and LOVES to ride in the car and be out and about at places. What kind of kid does that?! I think he's bored. If only this winter would finally be over and he would be done being sick and we'd be able to be out more I think he'd be much happier. 

Fox:

Oh, man, what do I even say about Fox. Fox is the opposite of Ander. He's so wild and crazy that at first its fun, funny and awesome, but then it gets a bit to much and want to stab your eye out because he's so over the top and exhausting. 

But if there's one thing I can say about Fox, it's that he's hilarious. If you can manage to stay present during his nonstop bombardment of talking, jumping, and all over craziness and not zone out he's quite funny. 

Fox quotes--
Fox stepped on a headband and broke it. 
Me: "Did you mean to break it?"
Fox: "No my foot is just strong!"

"Mom, I changed my name to creepy man Fox Jonathan." (said in his batman voice)

Fox: "Do my boots smell like wet dog?"
Me: "Yes"
Fox: "Yeah, because dogs smell wet...when they're in the shower."

"I just like the smell of vinegar! Because it smells like salad."

Recently Fox has become obsessed with burning or freezing thing (often both). We have a space heater under our computer where he "burns" things like his army men, cars, food, ect. I also have found a great assortment of things in my freezer like gummy worms, marshmallows, fruit snacks, yogurt, blueberries, ect. so he can see how they freeze. 

Emma:

Emma is a sweetheart. Every once in awhile she'll get sick of one of her brothers and be a bit mean to them, but for the most part she's just a sweetheart. She is always willing to share with others or play with others or tries to make her family happy. 

A few days ago each of the kids got a treat and Emma got a thing of caramels that she was more than happy to share with all of her family. 

She loves to draw, write and color. I read to the kids at nights (we just finish Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief) and while I read she draws or colors pictures for different people. She often takes them to school to give to her teacher or she'll give them to Tony or I. Not so much her brothers because they usually say a half-hearted, "thanks," and then chuck it on the floor. 

She is a sweetheart, but she is also the messiest kid I know (she didn't get it from me, I promise. I was an extremely clean child growing up...that's a lie). I get frustrated because it seems like every other day she tells me she has no clean pants. I keep trying to tell her she can wear her pants at least 3 times, unless they look dirty or smell, before she needs to throw them down the laundry. She always replied that they are dirty. The other day I got so fed up I went and found her pants to show her that she could wear them again. Sure enough she had finger smears of food, marker, and who knows what else wiped all over each pair. Drives me crazy!! 

Her room is a disaster area (she doesn't get that from me either...). We keep all of our toys downstairs, but somehow her room always manages to be messy. I find wrappers, food, (she's still sneaky, the stinker), papers, clothes, shoes, ect. all the time. Good thing she's so sweet ;)

Liam:

Liam is suddenly become a real person. Slowly losing the childish thinking of Mom-and-Dad-know-everything, and suddenly having opinions of his own. I don't know what to do with that. No. It's fun.

He picks up on a lot of mine and Tony's jokes, which is fun and scary. I have to be more careful about what I say all of a sudden. ;)  He'll laugh about jokes on cartoons and movies that go way over the other kids heads. It's been fun to joke around with him and have him be able to joke back. 

It's been a little bit of a learning curve with him. Because he suddenly has his own opinions he also starts thinking about things I want him to do or ask him to do and asks why or gives me a reason that he shouldn't have to do it. Sometimes with a slight bit of sass. Ah, I guess that's the joys of having a kid grow up, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Luckily it's been mostly fun. 

Yesterday Tony made bacon. Tony drinks a lot of Mountain Dew, so while he was making breakfast he opened a can and started drinking. After breakfast we went about getting ready for the day when I hear Liam gagging and laughing from the other room. Being the stinker that he is he tried to sneak some of Tony's Mountain Dew while no one was looking. Unbeknownst to Liam, Tony had finished the Mountain Dew and filled it with bacon grease. Luckily it had cooled before Liam got a nice big mouthful.

My kids are growing up, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the next stage of growing up yet. So I guess for now I'll try to enjoy them at this stage, even the small crying one. ;) 

Tonight--Tomorrow

I was angry. Angrier than I had been in a long time. And I should have been able to control the anger. But it kept resurfacing, which made me even more mad.

And the ones who kept getting the brunt of my anger didn't deserve it. Sure, they may have helped get me there, but they were young and unaware of how their actions and words had affected me.

So I shut the world out. I became blind to wrestling, fighting, and mess making. I became deaf to the yells and the questions. The questions that came like waves. Relentless, and always.

I cleaned. I knew that part of the anger was caused by my surroundings; the swarm of "stuff" that laid about like debris after an explosion. It encroached on me, and like cockroaches wriggled its way into my mind and fed on my anger. So I furiously banished it.

When my rage seemed to be extinguished, like I had control, I took my blinders down and focused, ready to finish out my day. But one found my switch, the one I thought I had finally hidden while I cleaned, and flipped it. And I felt the fury return, bubbling up and exploding out of my mouth, like lava, hot and deadly. And though I watched eyes turn wide and crystal, full of tears, I couldn't stop the flow that burned my mouth and their hearts.

The vomiting, angry torrent finally subsided, and I stood, and walked away, because I knew that was all I could do. I could fill the irrational rage still boiling inside of me. So I hid. And I danced.

I danced an overwhelmed, outraged dance. Twisting and rolling. Bouncing and throwing. Like I fought against gravity that threatened to pull me into the monstrous earth and swallow me whole. Trying to exhausted the anger. But it held strong, seeped into every crevasse and hardened so that if I ripped it out all that would be left was an empty hull.

I was defeated. As I gasped for air and my limbs and mind burned from exhaust, I knew I was defeated. So I raised, gave final instructions to eat then go to bed, and locked myself in my room where I could fester with my fury and hope to slowly dissolve it.

Then a knock came at my door and three littles entered. Carrying a plate of food, an I love you balloon, and the book that I had currently been reading. "We made you dinner in bed," they timidly said, not sure if they should smile or cower. And I felt it melt from my core outward. And as it began to seep out my eyes I miserably mumbled, "Thank you. This is very kind." Then they turned and were gone.

I sobbed while I ate. Big heaving, guilty sobs. But at the same time I was grateful, because I knew I had been blessed.

And while I know that I am not now, nor will ever be immuned to that anger which can creep in, at least tonight I can apologize, give hugs and kisses, and try again tomorrow.