If my clock is correct it is the wee hours of the morning, a few minutes after 5, and I can not sleep. I don't know if it's these new pills my mom has me on or the anxiety that I feel that soon, once again, my life is going to make a dramatic change, but my mind refuses to sleep. Besides, my spot in my bed as been over taken by a beautiful, dark blonde, little lady who has been woken up by nightmares.
Even though it is still dark the birds are chirping and I can hear the constant flow of water from the ditch that is outside. It is beautiful. And even with anxiety and nervousness, I can't help but think how wonderful life is and how ridiculously happy I am.
Today is Grammy Pughs carnival. I have helped put on this carnival since I was in my early adolescence, if not earlier, and it had happen a few times before that. We have missed a few years here and there, but as I try to think of an accurate number of how many times we have done it, the only number that comes to my mind is...a lot. She loves it. The people around her who come love it. My family who runs it has a love/hate relationship with it, but ultimately I think we love it, if not just to see how happy it makes her.
Every year Grammy buys thousands of prizes, hundreds of drinks, hot dogs, nachos, cotton candy, and popcorn. We get out multiple tablecloths, shower curtains, tables, PVC pipe, games, a giant home maded plinko board, prize wheel, and bean bag toss cut out. We set up large tents, tons of chairs, a small swimming pool for a duck pond, milk bottles, a board with balloons for darts, curtains for a fish pond and countless other things. We scramble to find people to run booths. We read back through the carnival book (yes there is a carnival book) to see tips and suggestions from last year; things that will make the carnival run more smoothly, things that were mistakes, and things that were a success.
We sit outside and watch as Grammy's yard becomes an infestation of people; kids with sticky, blue cotton candy mouths, grocery bags stuff to the brim with toys, prizes and candy, parents who laugh and talk to one another, extended family who come to support, and loving friends who come to enjoy. They love it. They love her.
Grammy sits at the head of the carnival, the ticket table, where every person who comes must go. They maul her. Hugs are given, laughter is shared, love is traded, and deep debts of gratitude are expressed. She shines. This is her element. She doesn't hold back. She gives all that she can give. They know it, they accept, and they love her all the more for it. It is beautiful. She is beautiful.
And even though we, who run it, inwardly moan and complain whenever we realize that the carnival is coming up, we do it, because we know that we are the beams, the scaffolding, that holds this beautiful woman, and her beautiful vision up.
One day I want to be just like her.